


Stop Screaming

by orphan_account



Series: Love Me Dead (One-Shot Readers) [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Manipulation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 07:05:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19807177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Connor and ______ had been dating for over half a year, and yet, they had never really met each other. Not in person.When ______ meets Connor for the first time in person, she realizes just how different he is.





	Stop Screaming

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This work is from my "Love Me Dead" collection - a collection of x Reader stories with problematic tropes. To find out more, read the note at the end!

_“The warning signs had been there,_

_but I had ignored them for so long._

_I just wanted to believe that you were perfect,_

_but I couldn’t be more wrong.”_

-

“Hey babe!”

Connor’s eyes lit up as he heard the sound of ______’s voice on the other end of call and saw her face pop up. He had gotten into the habit of Skyping her whenever he was feeling like an exploding ball of anger and other emotions, but this was different. Today he didn’t call her because he needed an out from his family and reality, this time he had some good news to tell her.

“Hey ______, what time is it there?” he asked her. One thing about his girlfriend that was considered taboo: they never actually had met face to face. They had met online, started talking and got to know each other more and more until Connor had asked her out on a late-night Skype call. It was a long-distance relationship, but he always wanted to see her in person. They both wanted to. _That’s_ why this was going to be such good news.

“Like you need to ask,” she teased him. “You’re always lecturing me about staying up late no matter what time it is, because you always know. But, you know, you calling me late at night doesn’t help. How am I supposed to skip an opportunity to talk to you?”

“It would help if we were closer together,” he commented for the billionth time.

“It would, but alas! I guess I’ll just have to admire you from here, Connor Murphy.”

“I have a surprise for you, actually,” he told her, taking a deep breath. “So, I know it’s going to summer break for you soon, and I’m already on mine since my school is better than yours-”

“I didn’t answer this call to be attacked, Connor.”

“Hey, hey, be patient. So, you know how my parents always have this wonderful, seemingly endless back account? Well, guess what I convinced them to buy…”

______’s eyes went wide and she sat up, causing the screen to lag for a moment at her sudden movement. “What?” she asked, excitement already lining her voice.

Connor held up a print-out of an email receipt. “A two-way ticket from your nearest airport to _mine_ ,” Connor smiled, waiting to see the reaction he would get out of her, after all, it wasn’t easy to convince his parents to do this, not very easy at all…

**_One Week Earlier…_ **

“You want us to buy plane tickets for a girl you’ve never even met?” Larry Murphy raised an eyebrow at his son. He had never really understood Connor, and dealing with him was a whole other story, but this was unreasonable. He wasn’t going to spend that amount of money for his son to spend time with his girlfriend and ignore them even further.

“I wasn’t asking you, dad,” Connor said bluntly. “I was asking mom.”

“Whatever financial decisions we make, we make together,” Cynthia told her son. However, Connor knew what he was doing when he asked his mom. She was sympathetic, and she was quicker to recognize that something was wrong with her son. It would take her longer to accept it, and even a longer time to realize how bad it was. But she wasn’t blind, she could see the warning signs and red flags. They had _always_ been there. She sighed, giving him a conflicted look. “How long have you been… ‘dating’ this girl?” she asked, using the word “dating” lightly, and fighting the urge to use air-quotes.

Connor rolled his eyes. “See, I knew you guys would be like this. That’s why I didn’t tell you guys for so long,” he told them, anger lining his voice but not becoming obvious. He tried pushing it down. After all, he at least had to _act_ nice when asking something from his parents. “We’ve been talking for ten months, dating for seven. You guys have heard me talk about her, but I never told you guys we were dating-”

“Or that the two of you had met online and don’t actually know each other,” Larry told him.

“Well, knowing you’d have this pleasant reaction, I can’t think of one reason why I wouldn’t tell you,” Connor told his dad, glaring at him before turning back to his mom. “Like I told you before, I’ve been saving my allowance. I’ve got enough to pay for a ticket here, but not for one back. I just need you guys to pay for the other half, is that really so much to fucking ask?”

“Connor!” His mother instinctively yelled when he cursed, but then sighed. “We’ll talk about it, okay? In the meantime, do you have any actual photos of this girl? Just something we can see so we know we’re giving a ticket to the real person and not some serial killer?”

Connor groaned and pulled out his phone. “Like I told you before, we Skype all the time and I know what she looks like, I’m not an idiot…” He went to his photo gallery and pulled up a photo of her, handing it to his parents.

Cynthia took the phone and Larry looked over her shoulder. The photo almost felt like it was taken in another world. It was a screenshot from a Skype call, and the girl Connor was referring to was smiling, her lips slightly puckered as if he had been making a kiss face towards Connor. However, the strangest part of the photo was how Connor looked in the top corner. He was smiling as he took he screenshot, and there was a kindness in his eyes and happiness his parents were completely unaware could ever be seen in is eyes. He seemed like a different person in just this small snippet of a screenshot than the person standing in front of them. Cynthia found herself smiling just a little bit at the photo, and Connor knew at that moment he had convinced her.

After all, what mother wouldn’t want to see their son that happy? It had been a while since Cynthia Murphy saw that look in her son’s eyes, and if this girl could make him look like that, what could go wrong? She would do _anything_ to make him happy.

**_Present Time…_ **

______ realized that Connor had gone all-out with her plane tickets. She was sitting in first class, feeling slightly out of place with the men in business suits and wealthy-looking couples. She had been waiting for this for the past week, and she could hardly focus on finals with it on her mind. She was finally going to see Connor face-to-face, and she couldn’t imagine anything better. Anytime she thought of meeting him, her heart fluttered and she imagined all of the things she wanted to do with him.

Kissing him was a must, and she wanted to go out on a proper date with him. She wanted to take lots of photos with him, something worthy of putting in a frame once she got home. Something she could post, something to set as a screensaver, something to show her friends so they’d shut up about her ‘fake boyfriend.’ They kept telling her that since they hadn’t met face-to-face, the relationship wasn’t real. After all, Connor could be lying to her through his teeth.

But she had more faith in him than that. After all, she felt like she’s known him well enough. She wasn’t rushing into anything, hell, this would be the first time they were actually able to even _kiss._ The thought of it was making her euphoric.

Meanwhile, back at the Murphy house, things felt like they were falling apart before she even got there. At least, that’s what t felt like to Connor. He wanted everything to be perfect for ______, so anything that was out-of-place was ticking him off, and he had already gotten yelled at once by his dad. His mom, however, was trying to be as supportive and as helpful as she could.

“Connor, are you sure you don’t want to change into something else before we head to the airport?” she asked him gently. As of now, Connor was just wearing a pair of jeans and a dark hoodie, his dark brown hair falling to his shoulders.

“I don’t think she’s going to care very much about what I’m wearing,” Connor told her. “She knows what my style is like, and I know what hers is like. I don’t expect her to dress all fancy to come and meet me.”

“Well, you never know, girls are like that sometimes,” his mother told him. “Sometimes, they dress nicer to impress the person they really like, and it’s always nicer when they dress nice too. Isn’t that right, Zoe?” Cynthia called out to her daughter, who was sitting on the couch on her phone.

“Please don’t bring me into this,” Zoe looked up from her phone and at her mom.

“Besides, why would I care about Zoe’s opinion anyways?” Connor asked, all seriousness in his voice and no sign of teasing.

Cynthia sighed. “If that’s what you want to wear, that’s fine. We just have to wait for your father to get down here. Are you going to come, Zoe?”

“Mom, if Zoe comes, the car is just going to be more crowded,” Connor complained.

“What, you’re complaining about having to possibly sit closer to your girlfriend?” Cynthia raised an eyebrow at her.

“Mom, it’s alright, I don’t want to go,” Zoe spoke up, not wanting to turn the situation into an argument. She could already tell Connor was on edge, and she was just hoping that seeing ______ would calm him down enough to act level-headed. After all, she couldn’t imagine him being like this around ______. Who would fall head-over-heels for _that?_

-

_“How was I supposed to know?_

_You were always sweet to me._

_It wasn’t until that fateful night,_

_When I was finally forced to see.”_

-

_____ walked out of her gate, nervous for what was to come. She was _finally_ going to see Connor face-to-face. What if it was awkward? What if they ran out of things to talk about? What if he got bored of her once they started talking in person?

Upon walking out of her gate, she saw a boy with long brown hair and immediately knew she was in the right place. They met eyes at the same time and smile spread across both of their faces. “_____!” Connor shouted, and his parents seemed genuinely surprised at how happy Connor was just at the sight of her. She ran towards him, and he scooped her up into a hug. All her previous fears melted away. It wasn’t awkward to see Connor in person, in face, it felt completely natural.

She let go of him and looked him in the eyes. “You’re even more attractive in person, Connor,” she said with a smile. “I’m so glad it’s _actually_ you. I never doubted it, but now I can prove my friends wrong.” She turned to the shocked, but happy faces of Connor’s parents. His mom was admittingly more excited than his dad, but from what Connor told her about them, she wasn’t too surprised. “Hello, my name is _____ _____. Thank you so much for the plane tickets, I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

Cynthia smiled and grabbed _____’s hand, shaking it and surprising her. “Don’t even worry about it. The cost is worth it to see Connor so happy.”

Connor fought the urge to roll his eyes, to tell his mom to stop being so dramatic. However, he kept silent and just hugged _____ a little tighter. _____ pulled her phone out, still looking at Cynthia. “Can you take a picture of us? I just want to take all the photos I can with him before I have to leave his side again and go back.”

Cynthia took the phone with a smile on her face. “Of course!”

_____ turned to Connor and squeezed his side, trying to get as close to him as possible. They both smiled at the camera as she took pictures, and right when she was taking the last few, Connor leaned over and planted a gentle kiss onto _____’s cheek. She smiled wider and Cynthia “awed” aloud as she took more. Finally, she gave the phone back to _____ and Larry broke the silence. “Well, lets go back to the car and head home.”

“Actually, dad, I was hoping that you could drop _____ and I off at the skate park? I wanted to hang out with her there for a while. We can walk home from there.” Connor tried to bargain as nicely as possible. He knew when it came to his dad that arguing right off the bat wouldn’t get him very far.

“Connor, you don’t even skate,” his dad pointed out.

“Well, I want to go there. It’s a cool place to hang out, and it’s close to almost anywhere we’d want to go in town.”

His dad looked like he wanted to argue with Connor before looking over at _____. _Probably not best to cause grief in font of her when she just got here,_ he thought to himself before sighing. “Alright, lets head to the car.”

Connor just smiled, and they rode in relative silence. Connor and _____’s conversation was the only audible in the car. They were talking as if everything was normal, as if this wasn’t the first time they saw each other face-to-face. _____ couldn’t stop smiling. Connor was finally with her. After about ten minutes, Connor’s dad stopped the car to let them out. “Your mother is making dinner for everyone tonight, so be home by 7 o’clock, you hear me?”

“Yes, I hear you dad,” Connor rolled his eyes. “We’ll be home by then.”

_____ looked back into the trunk with all her stuff. She felt bad about leaving it in the car when Cynthia spoke up. “Don’t worry about it, honey. We’ll take care of it.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to burden you guys too much.”

“It’s not too big of a bag, we can get it. You two have fun.” Cynthia waved at them once they got out of the car. “I’ll see you both tonight!”

Once they drove away, Connor let out a deep breath and looked over at _____, smiling at her. “Now that we’re alone…” he trailed off, getting closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she put hers on his shoulders, smiling at him. “I wanted to tell you that you look _really_ good, _____. I can’t believe you’re actually here with me.”

“In the flesh,” she smiled. “I’ve been looking forward to this day for so long, Connor. All those months of waiting were worth it. All those months of late-night skype calls, seeing you mostly through pictures, constantly having to convince people you’re real. Now you’re here in front of me.”

“Finally,” Connor leaned in, closing the gap between them and kissed her. _His lips are so warm,_ _____ thought. _Soft, too._ She leaned in and kissed him back. She reached a hand to his face and rested it on his cheek. He had a soft face, like he just shaved, and she adored it. When they pulled away, Connor took her by the hand and smiled. “Come on, let me show you the skate park. It’s actually pretty cool.”

Connor usually came here alone. Sometimes there were a lot of stoners here, but he never hung out with them. He found them dumb. They got high because it was “cool” or “fun,” Connor usually got high because it calmed him down. They were two completely different people when they were high. He hoped they wouldn’t be around today. They usually bothered him without even trying. It’s not that _____ didn’t know he smoked weed, she didn’t even care, he just knew that they were the type of guys who bothered any girl with a pulse.

_____ followed him under a ramp and into a small pit, sliding down it and sitting at the bottom with him. The concrete wasn’t too hot despite it being the beginning of summer.

They sat there and talked for hours and _____ found something out she hadn’t thought about: it got a lot cooler when it started getting late than she expected. She shivered and held her shoulders. “Are you cold?” Connor asked.

“A little. Is it always this cool at night?”

“Not really. Summer vacation may have started, but it doesn’t start getting warmer for another week or two. Here,” Connor took off his hoodie. He was only wearing a black tank-top underneath with a necklace. “Take this.”

“Are you sure?” _____ asked, taking it slowly. “Wont you be cold?”

“I’m sure, I run warm. Besides, you’re cold and not used to our weather, this is nothing new for me. We have to start walking back to my place anyways so I don’t get yelled at by my parents.” Connor stood up and lent her a hand. “Ready to go?”

_____ pulled the hoodie over herself. “Ready,” she said, taking his hand.

Once she stood up, she pulled out her phone to see how she looked in his hoodie. Connor smiled. “You look good in it, it suits you.”

“I’ve seen you wear this so many times in so many video calls and photos, I never realized how comfy it was.”

“You can keep it.”

_____ put down her phone and looked Connor in the eyes. “Are you sure? This is one of your favorite hoodies.”

“I’m positive. You look better in it than I ever did.” _____ smiled and Connor took her phone, switching to the camera. He went close to _____ and started taking selfies of them together. The sunset illuminated them perfectly, and Connor leaned over and kissed her, getting one of them at that moment. He locked the phone and gave it back to her. “Send those to your friends. They’ll never call you a liar again.”

She put her phone in her pocket. “How far away do you live?”

“Not too far, maybe a twenty-minute walk.” He took her hand and started leading the way. It was silent for a little bit. “Hey, can I tell you something?”

_____ looked over at him and squeezed his hand. “Connor, you know you can tell me anything. What is it?”

Connor took a deep breath. “You make me so happy. Happier than I can ever remember being. Whenever I see your face, it’s like the rest of my bullshit life doesn’t even exist. All of it melts away, and it’s only us, and everything is perfect. You calm me down better than anything. Better than music, better than drugs, you’re my ultimate calmer. Calmer? Is that the right word? Anyways, what I’m saying is… I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

_____ stopped for a moment, and Connor looked into her eyes. Those beautiful eyes he could easily get lost in. He loved her eyes. “Connor, you’ve helped me through a lot of rough days. I’m just glad I could return the favor and be there for you when you needed me to be. No matter what, I’ll be here for you okay? Never think that you’re alone.” She leaned in and kissed him. “Now, we should get to your place before they eat without us.”

“They’d never do that. My sister maybe, but my parents would wait,” Connor told her. “I hear you though. It’s not too much longer.”

-

_“The smallest things had set you off,_

_And I was finally forced to tell._

_Your sweet exterior melted away,_

_And out came the interior you hid so well.”_

-

Dinner that night was a type of casserole that _____ never had before, and the table was relatively silent. Connor’s sister, Zoe, had barely said a word to _____ aside from introducing herself. There was some kind of unspoken tension between her and Connor. Zoe just watched _____, studying her. She seemed nice, and she was gorgeous, too. She couldn’t understand what _____ saw in Connor.

Everything was going alright until Connor brought up an issue of the first night: figuring out sleeping arrangements. “So… is it cool if _____ sleeps in my room if we keep the door open?” he asked boldly.

“Absolutely not,” his father told him sternly. “Your bedroom is so far from ours, that wouldn’t suffice at all.”

Before Connor could get super upset, Cynthia added to the conversation. “_____ can sleep in Zoe’s room. It’s not too far down from yours, but it’s also close to us. I know it’s not what you want Connor, but you can understand why we don’t want you two sleeping in the same room, right?”

Right as Zoe looked like she was about to say something, Connor spoke before she had the chance. “Fine, I guess that will work. It’s not like we’d do anything bad anyways, you guys just don’t trust me.”

“Well, sometimes it’s hard to,” his dad told him flatly.

Connor gave him a sharp look that _____ hadn’t ever seen before. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean dad?”

Before they could get into something, Zoe started talking. “As much as I’d like to hear that argument, I’d kind of like to have a say about who uses my room. Why should I have to give up my room for a guest that’s not even mine?”

Cynthia raised an eyebrow at her. “Zoe, don’t say that. _____ is a guest to all of us, and I think it’s appropriate for her to be using an actual bed.”

Zoe crossed her arms. Not in a way that she was unhappy, but more in a way to show that she was uncomfortable. “Well, it’s not even clean, and it’s not exactly the best room in the house. I didn’t know that someone would be staying in it tonight, and my stuff is kind of scattered, and I just really don’t feel comfortable for someone to be sleeping in it tonight.”

Cynthia sighed. “If _____ slept on the couch tonight, could you clean your room so she can use it tomorrow?”

Zoe still looked uncomfortable, but she nodded. Connor let out a grunt of annoyance. “So wait, you’re just going to put _____ on the couch because Zoe’s uncomfortable? Why can’t she just sleep in my room tonight?”

Larry spoke up again. “I told you Connor, I don’t want her in your room, and that’s final.”

“I don’t even need to be in there with her! I can take the couch instead of her, I just think it would be nice for her to sleep in a bed for the first day she spends here.”

“ _No_ Connor.” Larry stood up, done with his food. Cynthia stood up to, grabbing everyone’s plates. “Zoe sleeps in her room tonight, but she has to clean it. You’re in your own room, _____ is on the couch.”

Before Connor could say anything, _____ put a hand on his arm and got his attention. “Connor, it’s fine. It’s just one night, it’s not a big deal.”

Connor just took a deep breath and nodded, his parents leaving the room. Once they were gone, Zoe stood up to leave, and Connor looked towards her. He had a look in his eyes that was new to _____. Complete loathing. “Zoe, why are you being so selfish?” He asked her, his voice laced in anger that hit like an arrow.

Zoe looked shocked, but somehow not surprised. “What are you talking about, Connor? I’m giving her my bedroom every single night but tonight, and I just found out right now about it.”

“Connor, please, it’s okay. Really. It’s not a big deal.”

Connor shook his head. “You don’t understand, _____. She’s always this frustrating,” he turned back to Zoe. “You really have to clean your room? Or are you just making up excuses not to give it up? Let me guess, tomorrow it’s going to be something else too. It’s always like this with you.”

Zoe got close to Connor, right in his face. “You know what Connor? I could’ve fought them and had it so she slept on the couch every night, but I didn’t. I genuinely need to clean my room. Get that through your dumb head and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you, asshole.”

Zoe turned to walk away, and Connor stood up. _If he wasn’t upset before, he is now._ He grabbed Zoe’s hand, but she pulled it out of his grip. “Don’t touch me Connor!” As soon as she saw the look in his eyes, she knew she made the wrong move to tell him off. It usually was the wrong move.

Zoe began speed walking to her room. Connor began to follow her, but _____ grabbed his arm. “Connor, just let it go.”

“Didn’t you hear what she just said to me? She’s way out of line and she’s being such a bitch, I just want to talk to her and-”

“And what, Connor?” _____ gave him a questioning look, but he was already mad. He pulled away from _____ and went to Zoe’s room.

-

_“You just kept shouting without an end,_

_And I didn’t know what to do._

_I was so scared, I didn’t know what to expect,_

_I had never seen that side of you.”_

-

Zoe had the door closed and locked. Connor tried the knob with no luck before knocking on her door loudly. “Zoe, open your fucking door!” he yelled, and _____ came up behind him. She had no idea what to say, Connor was angry in a way she hadn’t seen before.

“No way, Connor. Leave me alone!” Zoe yelled through the door. Her voice sounded upset and angry all at the same time.

“Why are you being such a bitch about this, Zoe? Is it really so fucking hard to clean your room that you need an entire day to do it?”

Zoe knew that in times like this, talking sense into Connor wasn’t an option. She had been on the wrong side of his anger too many times not to have learned a thing or two at this point. She turned on her Bluetooth speaker and began playing super loud music.

It didn’t help.

Connor started banging on the door harder. He started screaming, “Zoe, open your fucking door you bitch!” He began kicking the bottom of the door. “I know you can hear me, you dumb-”

_____ couldn’t just stand and watch anymore. She had been frozen in shock, but when Connor started kicking the door, something came over her to try to get him to stop. Seeing him like this was upsetting and shocking her, and you could tell on her face that she was obviously upset. She grabbed Connor by the arm, and he finally turned towards her, as if just remembering that she was there. “Connor, please, stop screaming!” she pleaded.

Connor knew that look in her eyes. She was scared, and he knew it was because of her. He stopped and thought about what he was doing, and he realized he was fucking things up. _Again._ He looked in _____’s eyes and his stomach dropped. He instantly began to feel like shit. He didn’t like that he was the reason she was so scared. He grabbed her hand. “_____, we need to talk.”

-

_“Finally, I managed to calm you down,_

_But not without an incident._

_If I had known beforehand,_

_I wouldn’t have given consent.”_

-

Connor lead her into his room and slammed the door shut. _____ was worried. “Aren’t your parents a little worried about me being in here? Are you sure that this is okay?”

“It’s fine,” Connor said shortly. The last bit of his anger was still itching to get out, so he began to rant about his family: the one thing that made him the angriest. “They probably wouldn’t even fucking notice. The second Zoe and I get into a fight, they stop paying attention. They like to pretend that we get along in perfect harmony, and they tune out anything that doesn’t fit that image. That’s all they are: the great pretenders. They like to pretend they care about me, but the second I express any sort of emotion that isn’t ‘normal’ they get all pissed at me and act like it’s my fault.”

“I’m sure they care about you, Connor. I know they do, I mean, look. If they didn’t care about you, they wouldn’t have let me come all the way over here to see you. They wouldn’t have helped pay for the tickets. I know it’s hard sometimes to see the ways that they show that they care, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t.”

“They’ll pay anything to pretend that I’m okay and to see if it’ll make me ‘better.’ They’ll spend all the money in the world, but they won’t actually face the problem. They act like they care about everything, but they don’t. They probably don’t even want to address what just happened.” Suddenly, Connor put his head in his hands and sat down on his bed, obviously distressed and upset. It almost sounded like he was on the verge of tears when he started speaking again. “_____, I’m so fucking sorry. Our first night wasn’t supposed to be like this, none of our nights were supposed to be like this.”

_____ sat next to him, rubbing his back. “Connor, it’s alright. It was just a rough start.”

“I fuck everything up, _____. I always do. I scare off every single good person in my life. I saw your face, you looked so scared. I did that. I really am just a worthless piece of shit, you probably don’t love me anymore after tonight if you ever did.”

“Don’t say that, Connor. Don’t say that. It’s one night of many, I still love you. One moment isn’t going to ruin every other good moment we’ve had.”

“Why should you love me? All I do is piss people off and make them upset. You don’t love me.”

_____ took his hands away from his face and looked into his eyes. They looked glassed over. “Connor, take a deep breath. Calm down, it’s okay.”

He shook his head, stood up and ran a hand through his long dark hair. “_____, if you don’t love me, I may as well kill myself.”

-

_“You demanded me not to leave,_

_“Or else,” the words bit like a snake._

_“I’m telling you I’ll kill myself.”_

_Making my promise was a mistake.”_

-

_____’s eyes went wide. “Connor, don’t even say that. Please.” She stood up and took his hands, trying to get him to stop pacing. “I love you. I’m just worried about you, baby.”

Connor shook his head. “It’s true. I may as well if you don’t love me.”

“I love you. I love you so much. Remember what I told you earlier, Connor? I’ll always be here for you. Nothing’s changed. I know that it’s hard to believe right now. Don’t worry me though, okay? Never think that you have to kill yourself, Connor. I’m here for you.”

Connor stared her head in the eyes. “Say you’ll never leave me, _____. Please. Say you’ll never leave me and that you’ll _always_ be here. If you don’t, I have no reason not to kill myself.”

“I promise,” she said hastily. “I promise Connor.”

He finally smiled. It was like a weight had bee lifted off of him, but instead of disappearing, it went onto _____’s shoulders. _What am I saying?_ She thought in her head. She never could’ve imagined tonight ending up like this. Connor looked over at the clock. It was already 11 o’clock. Dinner, the incident with Zoe, and calming him down had taken a lot of time. “You should get to sleep,” he told her, and he gave her a kiss. “I think we both need some rest.”

_____ nodded. “Goodnight, babe,” she gave him a weak smile. Connor bought it and kissed her on the forehead before she turned and left the room.

_____ passed Zoe’s room on the way back. Her music wasn’t on anymore, and her door was open. She was standing at the doorway, as if she had been waiting there. “Hey,” she caught _____’s attention as she walked. “I heard the door open down the hall and figured you were going to sleep.”

“Hey,” _____ replied quietly. She didn’t know what to say. Just a while ago, Connor was banging her door and calling her a bitch, but she looked unaffected.

“I’m sorry about tonight, but I needed to tell you something. Don’t let Connor fool you. How was tonight is how he always is. Whoever you thought he was before is false. This is what he’s really like. You seem so sweet, _____. Don’t let him trap you.” Zoe told her in a sincere voice. “I’m used to it by now. Don’t let yourself become accustomed to anger.”

_____ bit her lip. “I think it’s too late,” she whispered, tearing up a little bit. Zoe gave a concerned look, but _____ just walked away. There was a blanket and a pillow waiting on the couch for her.

She didn’t sleep at all that night.

-

_“You had put your life in my hands,_

_And you only caused more strife._

_There’s a detail that you missed:_

_It wasn’t your life that you were threatening.”_

-

**_Several Months Later…_ **

It had been months since that night, and even longer since _____ has been home. School started up again, just beginning a week ago for her. She and Connor spoke every night, and she had almost forgotten about that night. _Almost._ Sometimes it haunted her in her dreams.

Sometimes she remembered how angry Connor was.

Sometimes she remembered how helpless Connor had been afterwards.

Sometimes she remembered what Zoe told her.

She remembered the promise she made.

_____ woke up to ten missed calls and ten voicemails. She opened her phone. They were all from Conner. Her heart dropped. _Something has happened._ She had a feeling of dread before she slowly listened to every voicemail.

**Voicemail #1: 0:12.**

_Hey baby, it’s me. Tonight isn’t a good night and the weed isn’t helping. Something’s wrong and I really need to talk to you right now._

**Voicemail #2: 0:10.**

_I know you’re asleep but please pick up your phone. I’ve never needed you more right now._

**Voicemail #3: 0:20.**

_Zoe is being a piece of shit. My parents are being fucked up and ignorant as always. I told them I wanted help tonight. My dad didn’t take it well. My mom didn’t want to talk about it._

**Voicemail #4: 0:23.**

_I never thought you turned your phone off at night, I thought you always had it turned on. Listen, _____, you really need to pick up the phone. I feel like doing something bad and I need to hear your voice._

**Voicemail #5: 0:08.**

_Wake up, babe. I really need you to wake up._

**Voicemail #6: 0:11.**

_Don’t you remember the promise that you made me? You said you’d always be here for me. Where are you?_

**Voicemail #7: 0:13.**

_I get it, I’m a piece of shit, but I really need you right now. Can’t you just pick up the phone? You made a promise to me, _____. And I need that right now._

**Voicemail #8: 0:30.**

_You know what? Ignore the last two messages. I really shouldn’t talk about something you don’t care about. I just really need you right now, I need to hear your voice. I need to hear you say I’ll be okay. I need you to help me, you said you’d always be here for me. Well, where are you _____? Where are you when I need you the most?_

**Voicemail #9: 2:00.**

_I get it, _____. You don’t love me. I don’t think you ever did. You made a promise to keep me satisfied, not because you actually cared about what it meant. You know that I’m fucked up, but you don’t seem to be here when I need you. Just when it’s convenient._

_How are your friends, _____? Do they believe you now? Do they believe that you have a rich boyfriend who’d do anything for you? I do hope you know that. I’d do anything for you, but you won’t do anything for me. Was I just glam? A guy to prove that you can be loved? You’re so easy to love. I’m not so easy to love. It’s impossible to love me. You don’t love me. My parents don’t love me. No one loves me. I may as well just disappear since you obviously don’t care._

_I loved you, _____. I want you to know that. There’s no one in this life that means as much to me as you do. I wasn’t kidding that night. If you don’t love me, I may as well kill myself._

**Voicemail #10: 0:03.**

_You win._

She held the phone to her ear. Tears were streaming down her face. She began calling him, she was sobbing. There was no answer.

There never would be an answer.

-

_“It was the rest of mine.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I do requests for this series, I'm flexible when it comes to fandoms, message me for more information! My only limit is my writing is strictly limited to fictional characters.


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